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Breaking the pattern

Breaking a pattern of abuse can be difficult. But as Freya will tell you, it’s worth it.

My name is Freya Silver

It wasn’t always. I’ve had many names because of my life choices and because of the life choices of others. I’m 31 years old and by now have experienced multiple forms of abuse: sexual, physical, mental, financial, and an online hate campaign. By the time I reached out to The YOU Trust and Stop Domestic Abuse, I had given up hope. I felt I was unlovable. Damaged. Beyond help.

Breaking the pattern

For years I repeated the same pattern, ignoring the red flags, trying to keep my family together or make this new relationship work, all whilst damaging myself and my kids further while I continued on the same cycle because deep down I didn’t love myself, so how could I truly expect others to? And if they did? Well, it was time to burn those bridges to avoid rejection down the line.

I escaped abuse multiple times, joined the Freedom Programme, have lived in refuges, and have reached out for help. But the abuse only stopped once I decided I wasn’t going to take it anymore. I decided it was time to realise my worth and walk away. I reached out to The YOU Trust and Stop Domestic Abuse, and 2 workers – one from each – helped me to save my own life. Without them? Right now, I wouldn’t be here. They gave me:

  • an ear to listen
  • referrals for support
  • understanding, with no judgement
  • a better understanding of what I needed to change within myself to break this cycle
  • a belief that I wasn’t alone, and a boot up the backside to realise I could help others like me too, so can you!

Freya’s writing

I started writing as a way to get my feelings out, a way to be honest with myself and reflect, and also as a means of escape. I wrote this song as a way to thank The YOU Trust and Stop Domestic Abuse whilst raising awareness and also relating to victims through my own story. I reached out on Facebook looking for an artist to help me turn my lyrics into a song and was introduced to Dynamic. He was the perfect fit, so passionate about helping others and raising awareness and also extremely talented. His voice was haunting on the track, the melody, beat, and video were all him via Dynamic Records, his own label. It’s been an incredible partnership.

My advice to others?

The resources and help are there. The support workers are there. But the fight starts within you. Leaving your abuser is the first step, but you must for do it your own sake. Because to someone, even if it doesn’t feel like it now, you are worth saving.

Those children you have? They will look up to you, repeating your mistakes or your abuser’s. Your life cannot begin until you start to value it and fight for it. Pick up the phone and call PARAGON, use the website or social media. Walk into your kids’ school or a police station, or even just speak to your friend or a doctor. Things will go at your pace and – for the first time – you will be in control of your story.

You have so many more chapters to write and I promise you, you are not alone, you are not broken, and some of the most damaged things are the most beautiful!

Listen to loved ones, your friends, and family if they are telling you to get out or that they think you’re experiencing abuse. They are trying to protect you, not trying to spoil your relationship. They can see things you may be ignoring, so at least seek advice from domestic abuse services if it’s safe.

I am on Instagram and happy to speak to anyone experiencing trauma as a result of abuse or to talk about writing as a form of escape. Silver_Freya. Please don’t hesitate to reach out.

The image used in the header of this post is from the music video Her Story, and is not the image of the author.

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